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Monday, 31 December, 2007


I was recently introduced to what is called Haiku. For info on Haiku,click here . With my winter break on, since I have nothing to do.... officially :D, it didn't take me long to get hooked on to this new concept. I feel it makes you wanna improve your conciseness, given you have only 3 lines to put forth your idea :D. Smart enough,ain't it?

So here it goes, my first 3 Haiku. Suffer:

a literary catastrophe awaits.

multilayered clothing,
a squished adam's apple.

a gasp,
the sprint slackens,
the bus shrinks.

30th december, 2007

Wednesday, 26 December, 2007

Shabd Daaridrya!

Though I was shameless enough to simply stare at the screen long enough, while struggling to come up with a decent opening line for this post, it kinda justifies the title or the topic itself. I don't know how many of you have felt the pinch of being at loss of words at times when you had so much to express, but I for one have been there.

I have always struggled with words, regardless of the language! More often than not, I struggle hard to come up with the right words to use at the right times. Though (fortunately) my words have been seldom misconstrued, what disappoints me in myself is my inability to have a strong command over my languages, but moreover it's my stunted vocabulary that steals the show!

Naturally, it's my speech impairment I'm more worried about than my writing "abilities". When it comes to writing, I always have an option of verifying the definiteness of my sentences(doesn't necessarily mean I always exploit that one). But as I said, I really need to improve my speech.

I always end up saying the same shit over and over again, may be modified slightly to suit the situation or the place or the people around me. But that's about frickin' IT!!! I'm really fed up of the awesomes , the too goods, the oh my gods, the what thes, the excellents, the kya shots, the bekkaars, the bakwaass, the haalat kharaabs, the she's so hots, the basicallys, the at the ends, the after alls, the bhaaris, the but the thing iss, the ijjat ses, the oh oks, the obviouslys, the khatarnaaks, the seriouslys, the totallys, the exactlys and I don't know what else. I always hated studying languages when in school. But it is now that I realise how important communication is. I hate reading novels while I expect people to read my blogs. What do you say.....umm... yes...hypocrite! I know novels and good books help you improve your language. But I don't have that kind of patience to go through 400 pages of polished English or any other language, and keep on searching for the meaning of every other word. That way I'll end up finishing the dictionary before the book itself.

Whatever be the reason, I am the one who is paying the price as of now and don't know for how much longer.

I had so much to write, and yet I feel disappointed at the end of this post. I feel I haven't been crisp enough. I hope I'll be able to do justice to my feelings one day.

25th december, 2007.

Thursday, 29 November, 2007

Eye See

This one's a li'l long for a quickie!

At any instant 't'(yes,I'm an engineer!) my brain always feeds upon some or the other question or an issue-regardless of how irrelevant that topic is with what I am (supposed to be) doing at that instant 't'. No biggie! Everyone has their train of thoughts. I do too. So one of those thoughts was about invisibility. At some point of life we have all seen at least one movie about an invisible man. The two names off the top of my head are one of bollywood's classics-Mr. India and the other is from a place which is about an 8 hour drive from my place-hollywood that is-Hollowman.

Cut-to my point of interest-
No matter what movie you have seen in this regard,the most logical explanation for invisibility is that if somehow the light rays pass through an object(or in this case a person) then people won't be able to see the object (him/her) and thus we could achieve invisibility,at least on paper.

Let's hit the interesting part.
The theory holds true for objects.
But consider a person instead.
According to the theory,the rays should PASS THROUGH THE PERSON for him/her to attain invisibility. So the rays would pass through his/her retinas too,thus NOT letting the images of the objects and/or people surrounding the person to be created in his/her eyes,again:at least on paper!!!

This gives us an invisible person who is BLIND!!
What a price to pay!!
Next stop: Oblivion Blvd!
Say what?

28th november,2007.

P.S.-any technical(or should i say biological) mistakes found in this article can be reported in the comments section :D

The above piece is a work of fiction. No human eyes were harmed in the writing of this article.

Saturday, 10 November, 2007

The Rope

The Rope

He walks the rope into the bright,
and looks the dark behind his sight.
It wasn't that dark after all,
no wonder he didn't ever fall.

She walks her rope,
into her bright,
he is far away from her sight.

Tied were their ropes,
in due time,
five knots he sees,
make him smile.

The bright he knows,
Is the call,
he has to let go, after all.

The knots he sees,
growing small,
he wonders if they'll snap at all!

She walks her rope, oh so fast,
seemingly oblivious to the past.

His life he owes to stronger knots,
with ropes which remind him
how the brightness calls.

His wish -
her bright shall never die.

New ropes, new knots,
their ways to tie.

9th November, 2007.

Saturday, 27 October, 2007

The "Curse" Follows!

More than two months into the US,sitting on the bench at the stop,waiting for the bus,listening to Metallica's 'I disappear',I see cars woosh past me at crazy speeds. But my eyesight travels faster to catch a glimpse of any pretty(read-PRAYING FOR AMAZINGLY HOT) ladies seated inside the cars. Yes! I see one. She's cute. I look at her,she looks back at me and turns to the driver seat, talks to a huge guy and then again looks at me.
I shit my pants!
I look away trying to act all nonchalant resorting to the head banging and the air-guitaring-cum-drumming. I sense the car slowing down and pulling over a couple of feet away from me.
I am dead! How I wish I could disappear!
I am thinking,"Anyone can carry a gun around here,right!" I try to act more involved in the song.

The girl leans out of the window and tries to talk to me. I look at her and take my earphones off. I hear her now.
"Excuse me, do you know how to get to V#$% college? It's somewhere near tva*#$^ zone."
I think for a moment. I can't talk Hindi here. I have to think before constructing an English sentence.
I gather my senses and respond,"What?"
She goes again,"V@#%^ college? Near Trade Zone."
I try to be helpful,but alas! New country,new place. I don't know the place she's asking for.
I reply,"Oh...no...sorry...I don't know."
The chic smiles,the huge guy smiles and waves and they drive off. I curse myself for not being to help out a chic! But the next instant,I realise it was a false alarm. I was not in trouble like I had imagined.
"Phew! Was that a close one? May be not!" Trouble gone,I wait for the bus. I didn't even want to imagine being beaten up by huge guys with tattooed biceps for staring at their hot girlfriends. The bus arrives and gobbles me up. As I am savouring my "escapade" I suddenly realise something. Something me and my friends back in India had joked about before I came here. Something that had stuck around since the past few years. Something which had started at the infamous 'katta' in Vijay Nagari,Annex-a place about a mere half a lifetime away from Thane station. Not everyone knows about "the curse" I am referring to. Try to relate to the curse.

I like to call it the "Seeked Syndrome". It starts out with an innocuous query about some building or an apartment while you are waiting at the katta for your friends to show up. "Bhaisaab...yeh B15,Annex kidhar hai?"
You instinctively give him the directions to the building and he leaves without thanking you.
You hardly care.

Some other day,some other time you are at the katta with your friends, some car pulls over and the fat family guy asks you the directions for the club house of Annex. It happens a few more times over the next week. Everyone at the katta senses some aura of query near the katta. Someone blurts,"Dude is it only me or have all of you been asked for directions when at the katta lately?" The ice is broken. The curse has come true. Everyone agrees. It is for real. It doesn't stop. This is just the beginning. We don't know what we all are in for. Enter:cars,delivery guys,internet set up guys,plumbers,bikers,laundry boys,et al. Age no bar,time no bar,gender no bar. Only this one time I was fortunate enough to have approached by a beautiful girl looking for some building in Annex,at 10 in the night while I was strolling in the neighbourhood of the katta.That's it-only ONE in a million chance of encountering a beautiful girl! Gradually the syndrome starts following you around wherever you go. It's as if there were a huge board floating above your head which says,"Free Map" with an arrow pointing down. Seekers now seem to have spread across the entire universe-at the station,at the bus stops,at the college gate,at a theatre,at a traffic light,near your friends' houses,at the hotels,at the the canteen,at the chowpatty,at the reservation counter,at the vada-pav stall and the list goes on. Seekers looking for either a bank or a shop or a building or a bus stop or the station,umm..did i mention buildings?

The syndrome now slowly consumes your non-katta friends too. You start hearing stories. "Rumours!",you shrug,but from the inside you can feel the chill. You know it's unstoppable. No one can help it.

As the bus drives around the block,I remember this one time when me and my friend Rohit were at the katta updating each other about the loads of digital data we had downloaded over the last month,when this 40+ guy pulls over his Humara-Bajaj scooter in front of us. We sense the syndrome striking again. But this guy takes it a step further! He asks us about which internet provider is good enough in the Annex area. What he didn't know was that me and Rohit have been around the Annex block long enough to have tried and tested and suffered the miseries inflicted upon us by the ruthless cable net providers in our area. After months of tyranny we had our first saviour ISP-Airtel. So we both had researched our asses off and fought our guts out against our parents to purchase the right plans suited for our insatiable hunger for downloading digital data. We knew in and out of every plan and what it was suitable for. We explain every necessary detail to the 'uncle' to suit his needs. After our seminar,the relieved 'uncle' rides off on his bajaj. While I am still struggling to come up with a funny punchline for the situation, Rohit snaps,"Abbey,uska kya naseeb tha!" And we both laugh our asses off for the next five minutes. Probably no one else in the entire neighbourhood would have given the 'uncle' a better picture of the net services at 10 in the night. Ahh the syndrome!

A few weeks ago while chatting with my non-katta friend Rajnil,he had joked about it too. Lately he had been a victim to the curse,specially more frequently after I left India. It was evident to us that he had inherited the curse from me.

I remember we joked about this when in India. My friends were sure that the cursed syndrome would follow me to the US. It certainly did!

I imagine hanging out on a dark night at the katta. I see a stereotypical crazy old wannabe saadhu approaching the katta.
The 'saadhu' yells at us,"Bachha...katte se door rahiyo...warna pachtaoge...saat samundar paar tak katte ka shraap peecha nahi chodega!"
We all try to ignore him and continue hanging out. We all feel a chill down our spine. But no one says a word.

Sure would have been more dramatic to have had a crazy saadhu warning us beforehand and we not paying heed.

27th october,2007.

Saturday, 6 October, 2007

What a day!

He could not believe it. For the past few years he had been dreaming of this and there it was, right in front of him. He rubbed his eyes in disbelief and read the letter aloud for the fifth time,

"....Mr. Salil Agarwal,we are pleased to inform you that you have been appointed as a Field Application Engineer at Chips Inc...."

Years of hard work had finally paid off. He remembered the day he had landed at the San Fransisco airport. Almost two years ago, he was just a student - an International student on F1 visa - like thousand other F1 guys. He had to start right from scratch in this new country. A whole new world. He was high on expectations then. Now he could see nothing but a blur. Wiping his moist eyes, he called up his parents back in India to tell them the good news. He could imagine the look on their faces while he talked to them. Everyone was exhilarated. Later, the calls continued - family, friends, roommates.

But not her. He wanted to give the news to her in person and had made sure no one ruined it for them. Though neither had confessed, he knew they had something special; she knew it too. It was just a matter of time before they made it 'official'. "What better day to go for it than today!" he thought. As usual, they were supposed to meet at the bus stop in the downtown. He still had an hour. He hurried to a nearby jewelery store and bought her a beautiful necklace. He assumed a ring would be too American. He was not an impulsive guy and loved the fact that she was neither. But he was high on life today.

There were ten more minutes for the bus to arrive. The clock seemed to tick a few seconds backwards as he waited for the love of his life. He had no idea what he would say to her. This seemed more difficult than the Computer Architecture course he had aced last semester. He remembered the day they had met in the cafeteria, about an year ago. She was a fresh International student struggling with the coffee machine's menu. As an Indian, she was not used to black coffee. She wanted something as simple as a hot mixture of milk, water, sugar and of course coffee to keep her awake through the boring lectures of Database Systems. She noticed that Salil, an employee at the cafe, was an Indian and asked for help. He had been a perfect gentleman and helped her get a smooth latte, much to suit the Indian taste buds. That was how it all began.

The screech of the halting bus brought him back to the present. He saw her get off the bus. She was beauty simplified for him. Her simple yet elegant sense of dressing melted his heart. Her smile drove him nuts. Before he could say anything, she ran close to him and asked, "How was the interview? Did you get it?" He simply smiled and nodded. She shrieked in joy and gave him a warm hug. He held her close and tight, never wanting to let go. "How clichéd!", he thought. A moment later, he let go of her and then took out the offer letter from his bag handing it over to her. She read it with the cutest smile and tearful eyes. "I'm so happy for you!", she exclaimed. A moment passed and neither of them said anything. Both were lost in each others' eyes.

Out of nowhere they heard a husky voice,"Hey....hey...ain't she pretty...jus...just look at her...ain't she the cutest of all..." A bum was standing next to her and blabbering. Startled, she snuck up behind Salil's back. He grabbed her hand tight. The bum continued uttering the same words over and again. It was obvious he would not let go easily. Salil had to get rid of him as smoothly as possible. She was growing highly uncomfortable by the second. Suddenly it struck him. He had an idea. Looking the homeless guy straight in the eye he said, "What..? You think she's cute..? Then you have got to check out the babe who just passed by this street." The bum replied, "Wh....what babe..i don't see any one but her....ain't she just cute...." Salil continued,"A girl walked down this lane just a second ago. She was the cutest girl I have ever seen in my life. She had big blue eyes, the face of an angel and smokin' hot body!!". He noticed that the bum was falling for it and so he kept on describing how beautiful the girl was and finally tricked him into crossing the street and taking the next right turn in the pursuit of the so-called babe.

Salil turned back to see that she was sitting on a bench, with her head down on her lap. With a sense of heroic pride and achievement, he walked towards her. He had proven to be her knight in shining armour. He could not believe how delicately he had handled the situation. This was the best day of his life. He sat beside her and held her hands. But before he could say anything to comfort her, she suddenly got up, slapped him hard on his cheek and with bloodshot eyes snapped at him, "You pig!! All men are pigs. I always thought you were crazy about me because of my simplicity. But the truth finally came out today. Catch hold of the hottie you just saw. I know that's all you guys always want - a hottie. Don't ever talk to me again. Follow your babe and marry her. I don't want to see your face again, ever." Throwing the offer letter at him, she took off. As he tried catching the letter carefully, lest he tore it, he watched her cross the street hurriedly. For a moment he stood there, numb, like a log.

"Was that supposed to be funny?" he wondered as he scurried to catch up with her.

Saturday, 22 September, 2007

huh..? wa..?

can i ask u something?didnt leave u with any choice there,did i?is it wrong to question?why do people think u r under tension,when u ask some questions?cant they just answer ur queries and move on with their lives?am i being very annoying now?do u see a pattern here?cant i just post some random questions here?is it grammatically incorrect?does anyone even bother?whatever happened to random motion of free electrons?have u ever wondered why we all are even here on this planet?what is the purpose of life anyway? am i being too philosophical or is it somthing which is on evryone's mind?dont u sometimes feel like just flying off to some place quiet and aloof?why do we keep on making the rat race even harder for ourselves?isnt technology supposed to make our lives easier?but then why do we try so hard to make our lives easier?how does it become easier then?y does it always have to be "kuch paane ke liye kuch khona padta hai"?does this all even make sense to anyone or am i the only jerk who is rambling like a monkey on dope?can i take a break here n go take a bath?how long do u think i had gone?is global warming true?dont u hate it when someone u like doesnt help u out?dont u hate it even more when someone u dont like asks u for help?dont u hate it the most when someone u dont like HELPS u?how do we know "sab theek ho jaayega"?why are we doin all this anyway?what are we gonna take with us when we die?am i being pessimistic?do u think anyone has ever posted so many questions on blogger?arent u thinking,"how pathetic is he to post random questions,instead of writing something intellectual"?why do i hav so many questions?who r we to decide what is good and what is bad?how many comments will this post receive?why do we need to be governed if we r free?what time is it?am i forgetting something here?cant i hate cricket?who invented blogging?who is the real slim shady?why do so many movies have names starting with 'the'?wt time is it?did i repeat something?why himesh?can i break the pattern for once now?what if i did?wt difference wud it make anyway?dont u hav some important work to do?r u wondering when i will end my fire round?can u tell me one thing?what is the best way to end this gibberish?

22nd september,2007

Sunday, 26 August, 2007


When I read the CRANE'S LAW: There's no such thing as a free lunch printed right below the FROTHINGAM'S FALLACY: Time is money, in the book MURPHY'S LAW(COMPLETE)-all the reasons why everything goes wrong- a collection of witty quotes related to various situations and streams of profession, for the zillionth time I remembered my weird-ass policy

Regardless of the product or the service we pay for,we are virtually BUYING TIME.

Now,then...once you are done with one(or more) of the following-
1. saying,"what nonsense,what a jackass!!"
2.saying,"aya bada philosophy jhaadnewala"
3.saying,"here he goes again"
4.making a payment for my supari.

we can continue with the explanation of my philosophy.I dont mean to prove I am right. This is a simple explanation of my postulate(it can get boring).

The minute a lady knows she is pregnant,the parents start planning for the new born.Knowing that the baby's gonna live for some unknown period of time,they start SPENDING on medi-care for the mommy so tht the baby gets the right nourishment,thus paying for the time period for which the baby's gonna be in the mother's womb.Once delivered,evrything frm the hospital bills to the baby food to the nappy payments is to ensure that th baby is alive and kicking,thus paying for the time period till the baby actually starts realising it is alive and is a person. And so on so forth. Toys bought for him/her-paying for his/her amusement time. Education expenses-paying for his/her 15 years of knowledge gaining sessions. Once he/she starts working or "earning"-the company pays for the time he/she spent for work. The food we eat and pay for-paying for the time we need to be energetic so tht we cud continue with our lives. All this pertains to the bigger picture-life itself.

Zooming in on the smaller details-
Traveling expenses-paying for the time we save while moving from one place to other.Buying junk food,which is not necessary,but tasty-paying for the time period tht we njoy the food.Watching movies in a theatre-paying for the next few hours of entertainment.heck..whenever we spend on something for TP-TIMEPASS-u r paying for TIME TO PASS BY. Buying a cellphone-paying for ur talktime/airtime. Even the simplest and the sweetest thing like buying a nice bouquet for ur loved one-paying for the time he/she njoys the bouquet and the following time u get to spend with ur loved one :) Finally it comes down to buying time-either for ourselves or for someone else-but time is wt we buy.

This topic itself has such depth that one naive post cant justify its implications. But hey...worth a shot!!!

Thank you for ur time. Try to think of this post the next time you spend money. Try to relate ur expenses to some time period,if anything, it may bring a smile on ur face-which of course is free of cost. :)

25th august,2007.

Tuesday, 31 July, 2007

the dark mysteries of the shopkeepers-the vendorship of the the of the the.

ok...my bad.there are no myster-IES of the shopkeepers....none that i know of,atleast! but on a very wide scale(from vijay nagari annex to thane...isnt that VERY WIDE?) i have noticed one peculiar thing just a few million times and have been (hardly) trying to solve the mystery that i'll be sharing with u guys.so many of u may have very well guessed by now that i am currently as busy and important as a fly trapped in a closed jar with only one hole in the lid to let in the aroma of mouth watering sweets(i know my analogies are as bad as.....u know...)

we'll continue talking about some useless mystery of the shopkeepers.so according to my studies on the protocols of trading as followed by the shopkeepers, i have observed the following peculiarity innumerable times---

after having paid,if i stick my hand out to collect the change money back from the shopkeeper,he inadvertently puts the change right on the desk or the table below. in fact, when i observed a few of them carefully, many of them literally tried hard not to place the change in my open palm. GOD knows why!!

this is for real.

in fact,when i started doubting the shopkeepers of some kinda conspiracy against my palms,i started to stick out my hand more often to see if they cracked under the pressure,which sadly they havnt till date.... but i hope to rattle some cages and if we all join hands against this treason we may succeed in bringing down this tyranny against palmhood.

but till then i was planning on simply confronting one of my regular vendors and bust this mystery out. say wt?

oh...time for my morphine shot...brb

31st july,2007.

Sunday, 15 July, 2007

Choco-Thick Shake

On a crowded Sunday afternoon, Manoj fought his way through the mass. He reached the machines before the sweat from his eyebrow trickled down his cheek. He smiled wryly. He wished it would rain so that the mercury dropped down, but immediately shrugged off the thought. The last thing he wanted was more people trying to squeeze in for shelter. "Why do we humans get wet?" he muttered. Reaching for a glass mug, he started the tap water. Hot! Water, nonetheless. As he washed it, he pictured himself shrinking to the size of the mug and enjoying the waterfall from the tap.

The crowd's noise brought him back to his sweaty self. He pulled one of the machines' lever and a stream of chocolate syrup dropped into the mug. He wiped the sweat off his lips. Next he turned on the adjacent machine. Chilled sweetened milk spurted down into the mug. He could feel sweat droplets flow down the back of his ear. Then he placed the mug into a blending probe and turned it on. He could not hear anything for the next few seconds. It was his favourite part. After a count of 5, he turned it off and pressed the CHOCOLATE button on the adjacent machine. Soft and cold chocolate ice cream oozed out of the hose below as he held the mug loosely. This was the slowest machine. He hated it. As the chocolate filled the mug,he twisted it to create a swirling serve,tapering at the top. "Art!" he thought. He ruffled through the rack and caught hold of a plastic chocolate sauce bottle. After shaking it a few times, he squeezed it while swirling its mouth over the chocolate dump. He tossed the bottle into the rack and sprinkled some choco-chips and vermicelli onto the dessert. He reached out for a large spoon and stabbed into the shake. Placing the shake on the desk in front of him, he yelled,"Choco-thick shake...ready!"

A teenager pounced onto the counter with a huge smile on his face. He had waited long enough for this moment. Just as he saw the shake, he retorted,"Hey,where's the choco-wafer that goes with it?" Manoj reached out for a box full of such wafers, all the while staring down at the restless teenager. Taking out a wafer, he stuck it in the blob and watched in disgust as the boy got high on chocolate. "I wish you choke your arteries on it!" snarled Manoj. The boy was too busy enjoying his shake to listen.

Tuesday, 19 June, 2007

bachke rehna rey baba!!!

the title reminds me of the god-awful song "bachke rehna re baba.." from some amitabh-movie. its crappy tune is stuck in my head,as i proceed with my gibberish here.so if u want to feel my pain here....plz try to recollect the song u hate the most. ready? and now a lesson in r-r-r-ythm m-m-m-m-anagement.....let's begin---

the purpose of this blog is to provide an outlet to my ever-increasing frustration levels as a victim of the phenomenon "BAD MUSIC CAN FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE!!"(from here on referred to as the plague). this catastrophic torture is of utmost importance to music fanatics like me.everyone may not feel the pain,nonetheless i'll carry on.

the plague is highly prominent and may have been victimising,plz allow me to be elaborate,millions from the time there has been music.but the simple ancient times didnt have the weapons of mass destruction(WMD) for the easy penetration of the plague,unlike of course the blessed present technological era. u wud be walking down the road as innocuous as a butterfly(spare the butterfly effect plz...) and BAMMM!! before u know,u get plagued by some himesh number playing on the fm station in the nearby paan shop. or u may be contemplating some genius reasons to come up with to explain ur low attendance to ur HOD while grappling on to the bus pole and BAMMM!! some connoisseur starts playing some nadeem-shravan gem on his sony erricson model with its speakers on full volume..how sweet of him to share his "taste" with the hapless crowd. so u get the picture...basically the plague is very much in our faces.

the WMD i mentioned earlier are as follows(next time try to avoid these if possible)--

AM radio never had competition except the for TV. yet,it still used to be haven for all the old gems---till one fine day FM radio ws launched in mumbai and i guess in various cities all over india. its initial guise of pure music and minimal yapping with appropriate air-time for both english and hindi music started to fade off as gradually the english tracks(rock,trance,pop,rap et al) were muted off the air in lieu of more n more hindi tracks.'no problemo' i wud have said had it not been for the fact tht most of the play lists r pathetically chosen and hazardously repeated till some new album is released.i mean how can anyone possibly like the song,"thaade vaaste...crap crap crap"-yet another himesh number. FM radio has infiltrated unbelievably into the daily mumbaikar's life. private buses,auto-rickshaws,paan shops,hell..my laundry delivery boy carries a pocket FM with SPEAKERS.

the huge loudpeakers installed in the pandals keep on spewing shit all day long at HIGH VOLUMES. wt cud be worse?

since cell fones r dirt cheap nowadays,mp3 fones r slightly above those rates. 3 guys out of every 5 may have a sony ericsson or a nokia music edition or a moto-fone with MP3 and so on. cheap phones have one disadvantage-any unworthy idiot may buy it(sorry for being very harsh,if u wish to...u can term me as one of them..i hav no issues with tht) .the problem isnt with the person being an idiot.the problem is wen th idiot becomes unworthy--and that is wen he plays his play list with its speakers on full volume. y torture ur co-passengers wen u can bloody use ur earphones. blast ur ears with watever shit u like...i dont care,but dont blast my head with ur crap..i dont do that to u with my garbage..do i? courtesy is wt these people lack and of course common sense.

there are many more WMDs but u wud kill me if i elaborated any more.so basically u get th idea of the plague and its portals. so just be careful from now on...i tried warning u...!! MAY THE LORD SAVE US!!

20th june,2007.

P.S.- sorry for all the times i have filled ur heads with my humming,if ever that is...:)

Monday, 14 May, 2007

The Calling

try to remember when you were half your height now(results may vary with 'half ur age' :)). we used to frolic around merrily(or so the world thought..!!!),playing cricket in the famous *compound* of our buildings,or the age-old 'luppa chchuppi',tryin to find new places to hide everyday,but not mentioning it to any of ur friends(u never knew who wud get the "dan" that day). those were the days when we used to travel along with our parents even to the theatres!!! but we(specially guys,atleast i was) were always the bakras for buying daily household(read kitchen) items for our dear old moms from the 'baaju ka dukaan'.those wer the simple days for i cud go up to the shop and say,"UNCLE..." or "AUNTY..."(as the case may be). ditto nomenclature for any stranger guy/gal almost double my height-they wud automatically be termed as uncle/aunty with no due consideration of their "feelings".

but by the time i was in college,i cud no longer use the above mentioned blissful terms without being frowned at by the people(specially the ladies) who didnt hav gray hair!!!! i was in a great dilemma then. using sir/ma'am sounded too sophisticated for me(i thought it didnt suit me:)),bhaisaab/memsaab sounded too rustic. as i struggled thru those horrid days,i started hearing one word being used very frequently,age-no-bar.first time i heard it was from someone in the local train,then i heard it in college,then again at the xerox-wala near my college and the saga continued. the word was "BOSS"!!! "Boss...?",i thought,sounds quite 70's bollywood baddies' lingo!! but then gradually it caught on. and there i was spilling the word all over.

"boss....ek coke dena..."
"boss...yeh 10 pages xerox maarna"
"boss...ek coffee.."

no more hurting the feelings of non-gray haired guys.the word was well-crafted.genius!! now even the chchotu at the canteen cud be ur "boss",and he wud beam at that!!the xerox guy didnt frown.the conductor didnt frown.the shopkeeper didnt frown. the barber didnt frown.

but alas!!! it's inherent disadvantage----it sounds too gender-specific!!!!
yeah...next time,try to call out the lady in the shop as "boss..." i frankly dont know wt her reaction wud be cuz i hav never tried it out..:) but then the phrase "oh madam.." does fill in the shoes of "boss" to some extent if i may say so...!!

14th may,2007.

Sunday, 22 April, 2007

Mithun da,Rajnikant.....Sunny paaji?

i literally waited for these reviews....enjoy....

Big Brother:Movie review
13th Apr 2007 21.23 IST
By Nikhil Kumar

Sunny Deol’s latest but outdated film Big Brother is a painful throwback to the days when the heroes of Hindi films championed noble social causes by bashing and bumping the baddies.

One must commend the optimism of the makers of ‘Big Brother’ that they actually thought of releasing the film despite it being absolutely obsolete to the present-day tastes of cinegoers.
The film reminds of the days when Sunny Deol played the ‘angry, angst-filled young man’ in a series of violent movies (like Ghayal, Ghatak and Farz). To add to the torture, there are a series of pointless songs that come in quick succession in the film’s beginning. And if anything was left, poor acting, horrible screenplay and shoddy direction
( Guddu Dhanoa ) put the last three nails in the coffin of ‘Big Brother’.

Sunny Deol plays Deodhar Gandhi, a simple, good-natured guy committed to his family and girlfriend ( Priyanka Chopra ). Deodhar’s is a middle-class family in Delhi. He has a mother
( Farida Jalal ), brother (Imran Khan) and sister (Prachi).

Things take a turn after a minister’s son throws acid on Deodhar’s sister’s face. The family leaves the city and moves to Mumbai. But troubles follow them there too.

Once the water is above their necks, Deodhar and his mother decide enough is enough. Deodhar’s angry side comes to the fore. And what he does makes him a hero not just for his family but in the eyes of public as well. Deodhar becomes a savior, Big Brother, who brings justice to people in his own aggressive ways. Predictably, the good prevails over the evil.

Even if we discount the film’s hackneyed storyline, it is hard to forget the pain of sitting through
the senseless violence in the film. In his crusade over the evil, Sunny throws people off buildings, throws acid on people’s faces, beats the baddies to pulp, and guns down corrupt cops.

It is a role that Sunny can perhaps play even in his half-sleep. The actor adds nothing new to his character of Deodhar than what we have already seen from him in similar roles in the past. Priyanka Chopra’s presence in the film is strictly for the sake of having a heroine for the hero. Other actors like Govind Namdev and Shahbaaz Khan are over the top.

The film’s music is terrible. Cinematography is not that bad.

To sum it up, ‘Big Brother’ turns out to be a big loser on the celluloid. The movie is a waste of time.

Rating: * (given liberally)----lolzzzzzzzzzz

one more...plzzzzzzz...:)

Friday, April 13, 2007 18:03 [IST]

Do you recall the Sunny Deol starrer GHAYAL? And GHATAK, JEET, ZIDDI, SALAAKHEN, CHAMPION and FARZ? Post GHAYAL, Sunny starred in a series of films that projected him as an angry young man who could bash the wrong-doers to pulp.

No, this isn't a write-up on Sunny's careergraph. We're running through the movie titles because if you've seen those movies, you'd get a fair idea what BIG BROTHER is all about. To state that BIG BROTHER is purani wine packed in nayee bottle would be putting it mildly.

Sample these…
* Sunny throws acid on people's faces as if he were distributing chocolates.
* Sunny throws a rapist and his advocate from a skyscraper. The rapist jumps himself, because he has committed a heinous crime. The advocate is thrown, because he's defending the rapist.
* When Sunny hits people, they fly, they glide, they even get buried in the soil.
* When he throws people in air and if the person hits a lamp post, the lamp post actually breaks off.
* That's not all, when he holds an iron rod to hit people, the rod starts melting.

He targets rapists, molesters, pedophiles, erring son and daughter-in-law, dowry-seeking in-laws, all wrong-doers… The public supports him, the ministers hate him… In the final scene, he shoots the prospective Chief Minister at point blank range and empties his gun in the Police Commissioner's chest. And all this happens in the Commissioner's official residence and is being telecast LIVE on Aajtak channel.

To sum up, BIG BROTHER takes you back to the 1980s and 1990s when maar-dhaad, bullets, swords, acid bottles, guns, pistols, bombs, knives et al were the compulsory requirements to make a masala film. Need one add more?

BIG BROTHER starts in New Delhi and travels to Mumbai. It tells the story of a middle class family comprising of Deodhar Gandhi [Sunny Deol], his mother [Farida Jalal], brother [Imran Khan] and sister [Prachi].

Leading a simple and peaceful life, an incident turns their life upside down [the Home Minister's son throws acid on his sister's face] and the family is left with no other option but to leave the city and move to Mumbai under a different guise. They start life afresh and all seems well till the ghosts of the past surface again.

Things reach a point when the protagonist is prodded by his mother to take that course of action which not only avenges their hurt, but also takes on the cause of the aggrieved in the country as a whole. The movement so created gets the support of girls, ladies and the infirm who proudly proclaim him as their 'Big Brother'.

Relying on an age-old story, BIG BROTHER offers nothing new to the viewer. The only question you want to ask Mr. Guddu Dhanoa is, Sir, what exactly prompted you to make such a violent movie? There's an overdose of violence in the film, so much so that you start feeling nauseated. There's comedy too [Raju Shrivasatav and the auto rickshaw sequences] that look like an add-on and completely forced.

bravo sunny paaji...!!!!

Saturday, 7 April, 2007

The Routine

Inspired by the short-stories of Tapan Hosekri, this is my first attempt at short-story writing.

The Routine

The jerk of the train wakes me up as it leaves the carshed. I assume it's our first THANE-CST local for the day mainly because it's still dark and the dogs aren't done barking for the night. Several heads barge into the compartment, their thuds trying to subdue the screech of the halting train. Shuttling eyes hunting for thier "spots", stop even before the train does! The drowsy heads then settle into their 'positions' within minutes of swearing, shrugging and sweating. The train pulls out of the station as if to prevent the bogey from exploding. The squeaking handles have already been made elastic.

As I try to breathe, a guy trips in front of me and chooses to bump into the window instead of clinging onto me. I hate that!

The train drags these tons of mass from one station to the next, only to add some more on each. Poor machine! The cluster of baggage dumped upon the rack above me almost chokes me to death. The wind from the window below is the only relief. The ripe elderly flinches away from me as he almost grabs onto me while getting up. He grabs the window rails instead. Am I so useless?

The train finally pulls over at the den on the CST platform to puke the flesh out. The racks above me are now empty and the seats are scarcely occupied. For the zillionth time I hear the cheesy giggles of two college kids as one of them reads the sign beneath me aloud to enjoy the stupid pun,"TO STOP TRAIN, PULL CHAIN."

"Newbies...," I shrug.

Tuesday, 27 March, 2007

me no wolverine

this one's a quickie....
try remembering all the times u hav fallen or bumped or tripped and hurt urself somewer or the other... fingers,hands,elbows,ankles,face,head--u name it...and the winners are of course my favourite the-oh we love u lots gravity-KNEES(atleast for me,they are--age no bar)!!!
so beat this(not sure if the pun is intended:))...
wenever i get hurt,i inevitably end up bumping into the same spot(the wound,that is) again and again even before the wound starts its holy journey of healing!
i mean cum-on,even wolverine wud be irritated by this.try punching him on the spot where he just forced out a bullet from and u'll know wt i am talking about...!!!

27th march,2007.

Saturday, 24 February, 2007

1 missed call


almost more than a decade ago,wen cellfones were the LATESHT technology in india,very few of us may have had the chance to use or even see a cell.but gradually as the telecom industry flourished,rates wer slashed,incoming was made free,rates wer further slashed,handsets were made cheaper by the day and now DHIRUBHAI ka sapna has almost been fulfilled.ya thats right...having a cellfone isnt a big deal anymore.any aira-gaira-natthu-khaira like me has started using cellfones now. but i hav seen very few people who use this facility wisely.Seriously! so following are some of the trite situations which irk me off(arranged in ascending order of frustration)-

1. i m in a lecture(irrespective of how interesting it is!) and some one's cell rings.now thers a first time for everythin.may be he forgot to put it on silent,so u wud expect him to put it on silent now.but the phone rings again.now thats irritating!

2.i call up a friend on his/her cell. it keeps on ringing for a while and just wen i m about to hang up,he/she picks it up and

a)whispers,"dude,i am in a lecture(or a theatre)....i'll talk to you later!"
now y did u hav to pick up the call if u wudnt hv been able to talk to me at that moment? didnt u c the "call reject" option? first of all u risked urself by picking the call if u wer in a lecture or disturbed others if u wer in a theatre and on top of that BLOODY WASTED MY CALL! wow...lucky me,u'll talk to me later!!!

b)speaks slowly making it evident that he/she was asleep and says,"arrey...kya hua? i m sleepin now...i'll call u later" or "haan...carry on its ok..." and just tries hard to listen to my gibberish but hardly manages to stay awake thru it! then again i hav to hear the golden words,"arey i'll call u later".
wen u wanna sleep,u obvioulsy dont wanna be disturbed...SO Y DIDNT U SWITCH OFF UR CELL? or if u dont want to miss ur calls or messages U CUD HAV WELL PUT UR CELL ON SILENT(including VIBRATOR off!). and by chance if u had forgotn to put ur cell on silent,the least u cud do is just reject the call,switch it off and go back to wonderland. but no...! u hav to pick it up...make the groaning noise,put me thru a guilt ride and again BLOODY WASTE MY CALL!

wen i go to a theatre to watch a movie,i really dont want to hear some idiot in the hall going,"arrey i am in the theatre...unh...BLACK FRIDAY dekh raha hun..BLACK FRIDAY...BLACK FRIDAY...arrey range nahi hai...i'll call u later...!" bloody shut up dude! i dont wanna miss an important dialogue of the movie because some raju called up his bro to find out whereabouts of the chapatis.

having listed out my encounters,i wud like to admit that even i may have been a bit careless with my cellfone once in a while,but that may have been an honest mistake,cuz i always try not disturb anyone while talkin on my cell. so kaha-suni maaf...! i just hope people understand that cells are meant for us to communicate with each other efficeintly and not to disturb or irritate each other efficiently!

24th feb,2007.

Saturday, 10 February, 2007

Black Friday

About an year ago while watching the KIDCO-CANDY sponsored,poor video quality version of this awe-inspiring movie on my pc,I never thought I would be able to watch it on the big screen.....EVER! But as Inspector Rakesh Maria(Kay Kay Menon) avers in one of the intense scenes of the movie,"This time Allah was with us,else we wouldn't have caught hold of the maruti van(which actually leads to the prime suspect)...", even I believe that. Allah was with them and was definitley with ANURAG KASHYAP and so this masterpiece could make it to the theatres after so many verdicts were finally passed recently.

In bollywood it is rare that we don't see the age-old disclaimer,"All the characters in this movie are fictional and any resemblance and all the blah blah..",which even Mani Ratnam used in his GURU. Anurag opens the movie with "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind-Mahatma Gandhi" after boldly admitting that the movie is entirely based on the book by S Hussain Zaidi. The movie frankly places the real places and names the real names involved in the tragedy.The chapter-wise presentation takes you through the entire journey as a TRUE journalist(the meaning of which has been long-forgotten by our media giants) would.The performances are highly commendable.The show-stealers are of course Kay Kay Menon as the efficient and tactful cop,Pawan Malhotra as Tiger Memon who ruthlessly plans the entire massacre and Aditya Shrivastava as Badshah Khan,a helpless pawn of the executor(Memon) who is on the run trying to save his ass from the cops. Anything more realistic than the movie would be original clips of those times. Speaking of which,we are treated to some of these,like the destruction, the operations of the bomb squad,the interviews of a Pakistani Official,a Mumbai cop and many more.

The fate of such movies(the delayed release)makes me wonder- Will bollywood and its complacent audience ever accept,let alone appreciate,artistic talent in its purest form? Though lately,there has been a change in the trends of movie-making, I believe film-makers who want to be different and bold and want to narrate great stories in a simple way or vice-versa will always be over-shadowed by phony presenters who just want to make big bucks by t(s)elling the same old love stories or the revenge stories or the extra-marital affair-based stories garnished with the crappy song-sequences which in no way appeal to the classes.Nonetheless,guys like Anurag are never deterred by such set-backs,else we wouldn't have got this gem.

10th feb,2007.

Thursday, 25 January, 2007

aaj kal ke....

Back in my somaiya days i.e.11th-12th,when we used to daily travel in local trains(vidyavihar to thane) it used to get quite monotonous a few times(i didnt hav any portable music player back then). so while we used to discuss anything but sense,i occassionally let go of my sanity and would simply play nuts like waving out to strangers on the platform from inside the train when it just left the platform or running from one first-class coach to the next one ahead on kanjur-marg or simply staring some poor soul from time to time and pretending to make notes about him. but this one afternoon,we were accompanied by a joyous(read over-excited-to-be-in-college) group of boys and gals.they wer at the door making all sortsa noise..wt with the guys cracking silly jokes about the gals...and the gals hitting the guys..how innovative!
i then noticed that they were getting on the nerves of an elderly uncle sitting in front of me.so anyone could have guessed wt he wud hav had to say,the same old.."aaj kal ke bacche..."and so on.but then as this phrase hit me,i just turned to my friend and said loud enuff for the uncle to hear it,"kya aaj kal ke bacche bhi....humare zamaane mein hum kheti-baadi kiya karte thhey...kadakti dhoop mein khoon pasina ek karke majdoori karte thhey...aur aaj kal ke bacche...kisi bhi cheez ki keemat hi nahi...chchey..". my friend had the same confused look as that of the uncle. but the uncle probably had a thought my friend didnt for sure,"aaj kal ke bacche bhi.."

25th jan,2007

Wednesday, 10 January, 2007

shamanth,with any other name would stink as bad...!


for starters,my name is SHAMANTH HUDDAR. ya...thats my name..notice the letters i have highlighted...ya...its important...the order IS important...if u have already guessed wher i am goin with this...then u were/are probably my classmate..and for those who havnt decoded it yet..here it goes...try to look at the highlighted letters again...isnt it visible that 'A' comes before 'N' in 'shamanth' and not otherwise...ya...u get it now dont u..? my name is NOT SHAM-NA-TH....no it's not...! so get this...this has been the most common mispronunciation of my name....till date...especially during my engineering days...!the roll-calls in the class have many times induced a round of stupid laughter in the class when my name goes ON AIR...with the mistake ofcourse...and then i hav to smile sheepishly,add a bob-o-nod and go,"sir...its SHAM-AN-TH" and yet again the prof wudnt bother to correct himself the next time. so thats th story of my name...

now as the title says...i dont care about the changes done to my name,for the sake of it...but what irritates me is the beauty of the repeatability of the same mistake being committed by different individuals at different times.co-incidence? i dont think so...! conspiracy..? well maybe not...cuz u just need a "himesh-uuunn-song-in-my face" to drive me nuts! anyway...comin back to the point...the reason is one strikingly surprising fact which is as follows...

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch dnoe at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht
the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

if u cud read the above para properly..then u may have guessed the reason why i get called sham-na-th. so turns out,i cant blame anyone.

10th jan,2007.

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